When I sensed the Father asking me to write about this I was like, “Seriously?! I’m not so sure I feel comfortable talking about that.”
But He continued to press in and like anything else, the invitation is always from Him, but the “Yes” always has to come from us.
So I started to pray about what this post should look like and when I should post it. I knew Valentine’s Day was quickly approaching—I thought, that would be the perfect time to send this out!
But Father had a different idea. I sensed Him saying, wait until the day after. As I thought about that I found myself smiling. He is always so creative and His ways are always so much better than mine. Hence why He is the Creator and God of the universe and I'm not-ha!
I have never been a big fan of Valentine’s Day. For most people who feel that way it is
usually because of the commercialism that goes along with it. The crowded restaurants. The overpriced flowers. The cheesy Valentine’s Day cards.
But for me, I don’t care for Valentine’s Day because every
day should be a time to share how you feel about your loved one--not just one day out of the year. And I don't want someone to buy me flowers or take me to dinner because it's what they are supposed to do. And I can't help but wonder what does the
day after Valentine’s Day looks like for couples?
So what does the day after Valentine's Day look like for you?
Do you tell your husband or your wife how special they are and how much
you love them? Do you show that love in
words and in actions? Do you plan a special evening out for dinner? Do you write them a hand written note or spend a half hour in the card section looking for the perfect card that says, "I love you"?
If you know me personally, you may know that my husband
gives me a fresh bouquet of flowers every week.
He also loves to leave me little hand written notes all the time. Sometimes they are in my car. Sometimes they are sitting next to my
Bible. But my personal favorite is when
he sits them on top of the coffee pot—a lil’ bit of love to go with my morning coffee!
But there was a time when none of this happened. There was a time when our marriage didn’t look like this. Actually it was completely the opposite. So I only assume this might be why the Father wanted me to share this. Because I've been there. So, here it goes...
What should ‘The
Day After’ Valentine's Day look like for a husband and a wife?
My husband and I were going through a really rough patch in
our marriage. I can remember during this
time I had opened up my daily women’s devotion and read it. It was a list of seven items on ‘How to Love
Your Husband Completely’.
As I read down her list of how to truly love your husband, I
can remember thinking, I’m not sure I do any of these really well. Actually I’m not sure I do any of these at
all. And honestly, I found myself asking, can anyone
really love their husbands like this?
Then I thought about what God’s Word says about the role of
both the husband and wife, and what God’s model of marriage should look like.
“Wives, submit to your
husbands as to the Lord. For the husband
is the head of the wife.” Eph.
5:22-23
“Husbands, love your wives, just
as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” Eph. 5:25
I have to tell you that I really struggled with this whole
concept. I was, and still am, a very strong willed and independent woman. And honestly, I found myself saying, “Okay
Lord, so I have to submit and obey while he gets off easy with only having to
love me. What’s wrong with this picture?”
Well what’s wrong wasn’t ‘the picture’, it was the way I was
looking at 'the picture. I was so busy looking at
what He was asking ME to do that I wasn’t looking at what He was asking my
husband to do.
God doesn’t just ask husbands to love their wives, He asks
them to love them like Christ loves the church.
And I have to tell you that I took a long hard look at exactly what that kind of love looks like.
I broke it down. Like.
Christ. Loves. The. Church.
Who is the church? The church is all of us.
What does that love look like? Christ loved us so much that He didn’t cling
to His position as God. A husband is not to cling to his position of
authority over his wife.
He sacrificed everything for us, including His own life, out
of selfless love. A husband’s love should be sacrificial and selfless towards his wife--putting
her needs and desires ahead of his.
He died for each of us because He loved us. He gave everything for us. A husband
should be willing to do anything and give anything for his wife.
When I started to look at what the husband’s role was vs.
the wife’s role, I started to realize my way of thinking was all wrong. (sssh..don't tell him)
Having to submit and obey to him was the easy part.
They have all the heavy lifting.
Not only are they to love us with the love that only Christ
can give, they also have to carry the responsibility for being the lead, or the
head, in their marriage.
They have the task of making the final decisions, AND they will
be held accountable for those decisions and how they have both led and loved
their wives.
Honestly, I wouldn’t want that responsibility for anything.
So what if your husband doesn’t love you according to God’s
model? Well we wives are still
responsible to do our part. If we take a
look at the very last six words in this chapter (Eph. 5), this is what it says,
“the wife must respect her husband.”
Respect. That is a
mighty big word. Isn’t it interesting that God decided to throw this last bit
in for us wives? We know in God’s word nothing
is by accident and everything is for purpose.
So here is the lesson I learned. If we submit to our husbands and are
respectful, we are honoring our heavenly Father, AND I believe that God will
bless us for our obedience.
You know the saying, ‘You get what you give’? Well I believe in time it will come full
circle if we continue to do our part—whether that is the wives or the husbands.
So while the journey was not easy between my husband and me,
what I discovered was a treasure hidden inside of God’s beautiful design of
marriage.
When a husband loves his wife like Christ loves the church,
it only comes natural for her to respect him, as well as want to submit to him.
When a wife respects her husband and submits to him, it only
comes natural for her husband to want to love her even more.
AND….here is the added bonus that scripture doesn’t talk
about.
Wives end up loving their husbands like Christ loves the church.
It is the natural result that comes from being so completely
and utterly loved.
So I thought I’d put together a list of my own top seven
items on ‘How to love your husband completely’. And guys, let me tell you that list applies to
you as well. So don’t be standing back
with your arms crossed saying, “Uh huh, that’s right sister—you tell those wives
how us men need to be loved.”
One last thing. Please
hear me when I say, there was a day—actually years—which I didn’t live by this
list. But this is a testament to God’s
healing power in our lives and in our marriage.
And while I don’t always do things perfectly, I strive to continue to
honor both my husband and my heavenly Father in everything I do and say.
So here it goes….
1. Pray ~ For God’s wisdom to be reveled in his life,
for him to have discernment in hearing God’s voice as he leads in your marriage
and family, his spiritual relationship, his health and his work.
2. Serve ~ Know his love language and serve him in
a way that HE will appreciate and not what you would appreciate if the tables
were turned. We all have different love
languages—if you don’t know what your husband’s is, than ask him! If he doesn't really know, check out the following link: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/
3. Communication ~ Respect his thoughts and opinions. Don’t assume, interrupt or react. Listen to what he is saying rather than
thinking about how you are going to respond.
If you don’t agree with him, then be slow to respond, and if time allows
pray before you respond. Ask for your
words to be uplifting, respectful and Christ like.
4.
Love ~ Unconditional. Period.
We are both imperfect humans.
Love him the way you want him to love you.
5. Time ~ Make sure you give him the same amount of
time, priority and attention as you do other things. Your children. Your job.
Your ministry (ouch). Anything
that takes up time in your world.
Husbands need time and attention just like wives do. They can feel neglected and probably won’t
tell you they are feeling that way.
And last but certainly not least—actually I saved the best for last :o)
6.
Romance ~
Men love romance just like we do ladies, but often times in different ways than
women. Again, know his love
language. Romance him in ways that he
will appreciate and not how you would want to be romanced.
7.
Intimacy (and “YES” there is a difference
between romance and intimacy!) ~ The spicier the better. I have to keep this “G” rated, but know that
God’s design for intimacy in our marriage is one of the staples in keeping your
marriage happy and healthy. If you are
lacking intimacy in your marriage then I suggest you go back to any of the
other items on this list. When any of
these are missing they can and will have an impact in this area.
Happy ‘The Day After’ Valentine’s Day!
Vickie
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