The Chicken or the Egg?

Which came first, the chicken or the egg?  Ever find yourself in this conversation?  Ever thought about it?  I have to confess, I have.  But then I thought, ‘Who really cares.  It’s not like it really matters.’

I have this upcoming conference that I’m speaking at and I was slated to speak at one of their breakout sessions for orphan ministry.  I had a general idea of what I was going to speak on, but as I started to pray what the Father wanted me to speak about I found myself feeling confused.

Now I know God’s Word says that He is not a God of confusion so normally when I find myself feeling confused I have to ask myself the next question, and that is, ‘Am I doing God’s will?’  Because if we are truly in God’s will, then confusion is not a state we will find ourselves in. 

Now I’m not saying that He will reveal all the details about what His will looks like for our lives.  There are times where He chooses to just show us little nuggets.  Times when He sheds light on the path ahead of us, but only a step or two, not along the entire path.

God loves to operate like that in our lives because that makes us depend on Him and not ourselves.  And boy has that been the lesson God has been teaching this girl over the past six months.  He is taking my type A personality and turning it into a type Z personality one letter at a time.  Okay, so there really isn’t a type Z personality, but if there was one that would be me!

So what does that have to do with the chicken and the egg?  Because I’m an adoptive mom AND I serve in orphan ministry.  Which came first?  Adoption or orphan ministry?  Well, obviously adoption came for us first, but I am no longer sure that adoption what was supposed to come first.

I use to think we adopted a child from China and then Father called me to serve there to help the orphans.  But now I’m not so sure.  Actually, I’m beginning to think I was bamboozled.  Yup, that’s my word.  Don’t judge me.  And if you are one of those people who take yourself and your “religion” waaay too seriously, then I will warn you now you should probably not read any further.  For those who don’t know me, I am a pretty straight shooter.  As a matter fact, I can see my pastor rolling his eyes right now, saying to himself, “Oh no, what’s she going to say this time?”  So if you are easily offended, please know you will not hurt my feelings if you decide to leave this post.

So, as I was saying before I rudely interrupted myself, I find myself wondering if God really called me to adoption because I was supposed to adopt, or did He call me to adoption because that was His way of getting me onto the mission field?

Now before you start to blast me into the sphere where protective adoptive families send people who dare to tarnish the beautiful picture of adoption, please hear when I me say this.  I love my children who have come to our family through adoption.  I love them to the very depths of my soul.

But what I am saying is that God knows us better then we know ourselves.  God knows, that I know, that this girl’s butt would never.  Not ever.  0% chance of a slim possibility. Would I have ever gotten on a plane and flown to China.  There was never anything about the country that was of interest to me.  Not the culture.  Not the décor.  Not even the Great Wall interested me.  God knew that this daughter of His would never go to China.

And serve the poor or the least of these in a third world country?  Nope, that wasn’t on my radar either. I mean, who had time?  Certainly not me.  I was so busy taking care of ‘ME’.  My need to be a corporate success.  My need to have a fancy home, a nice car and of course those elaborate vacations.  Who had time to serve orphans?

Besides, I was a good Christian girl.  Really I was.  I went to church every week.  I volunteered in the church nursery (okay, so they made me, but at least I did it).  I read my Bible every day.  I even made sure I put my non-tithing check into the offering plate every Sunday.  You know, you don’t have money to tithe when your budget is so busy feeding ‘ME’.  And surely God didn’t know how bad the economy would be—or the gas or food prices—when He told us the first 10% was to be given to Him.

So when I heard about all the babies in China who needed families, it put this burning desire inside of me to have another baby. I bet you thought I was going to say it made me want to do something to help those babies, but remember what I said, it was all about ‘ME’.   I didn’t want another baby because they were orphans who needed a family, I wanted another baby because I wanted one.  So off to China we went!

But when things changed.  God got me right where it hurts.  He bamboozled me.  You see, when He was thinking about how He was going to create me before I entered my mother’s womb, He knew He was going to need to instill in me a deep seeded desire to right a wrong.  There isn’t any type of injustice or human need that I will not try to do once I’m aware of it.  I cannot stand to see people hurting.  I cannot stand to see people in need.  It just tears me apart inside and I HAVE to do something to help them or fix it.  It’s just the way God wired me.  God designed me exactly the way He knew I would need to be in order to do the calling He was going to put in my life.

Once we got to China and I saw all the babies laying in their cribs there was something inside of me that broke completely in two.  I knew the moment I saw all those babies that my life was changed forever.

God took my selfish desires and turned them into His will for my life.  He took His will and made it into His calling for my life.  He took His calling and made it into His anointing for my life.

So where did the confusion come as I was praying about in this upcoming conference?

God started putting on my heart all the families I have met over the years who have adopted.  Hundreds of emails and conversations about their struggles as they bring these children into their homes.  Although their reasons for adopting are all different, their hearts are all the same—the desire to give a fatherless child a family.

But once they get off that plane.  Or the crowds of visitors are gone.  Or the social worker has pulled out of their driveway, the next day brings with it the harsh reality that these children bring.

The reality of parenting these children.   Children who have come from places such as brokenness.  Abuse.  Neglect.  Abandonment.  Rejection.   Loss.  Loneliness.

The reality of the needs of these children.  Children who have come from these hard places bring with them some very special needs.

All of a sudden the desire to give these children a home and a family seem to take on a whole new meaning.  And many find themselves feeling helpless.  Not knowing how to help these children survive and process through all of the hurt and emotions they are experiencing inside.  Feeling like they are a failure as a parent.  Maybe even feeling like they’ve made a mistake and they are not cut out or qualified to help them.

Then I started thinking about all that I’ve experienced over the past years as I’ve worked inside a third world country orphanage.  Not about the conditions or treatment that I’ve seen the children exposed to, but the day to day lives of the children who live there.

The baby who will not get held when they cry or when they are given a bottle.  The twelve year old boy who is at the top of his class in the orphanage, but is told he cannot go to the public school because the other children will not want to look at his deformed ear.  Or the five year old who sits on the floor by the orphanage gate and cries for hours on end for her mama because she has just recently been abandoned and brought to the orphanage.

These children have all experienced trauma.  Rejection. Abuse.  Neglect.  Yet they are not just orphans.  They are living, breathing human being with feelings and emotions.  They are children.  Children who because of no fault of their own are growing up in an orphanage.  But God’s design for children is family, not an orphanage.

So how do you take those children out of an orphanage and into a family setting and expect them to function as a normal child?  And how do you parent these children not knowing the history that feeds into many of the behaviors that you see coming out of them.

As good of intentions that we all have as parents, there is no book, training or therapy that can completely prepare us in how to parent these children until we are first able to look into their hearts and minds to see the world in which they are coming from.

Parenting these children is one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life.  There have been times that I have wanted to cry.  Scream. Hide in my bedroom.  And yes, maybe, just maybe waive the white flag and say, ‘I quit.’

But God doesn’t quit on me and I won’t quit on them.  He is teaching me and equipping me every single day how to love them.  He gives me wisdom in how to parent them.  And He surrounding me with a wonderful support system of family and friends—oh a great social worker whom shall remain nameless.

And in the process God has transformed my once very selfish heart.

I was sharing with a friend the other day how I use to be the queen of manipulation because I was such a selfish person and was willing to do whatever I needed to get my way.  As I shared those very transparent words I could actually feel myself feeling sick inside.  But even though the memories were not fun to re-live, it was such a great reminded of how God has transformed my life through His love and through obedience of His calling.  Being His Hands and His Feet.  Caring for the orphans is truly pure and faultless religion.

Had God not called me to adopt, I would have never heard His call to care for the orphans.  Had God not called me to care for the orphans, I would have never been called to adopt.  So yeah, I guess it doesn’t really matter which came first, I’m just glad to be chosen.

 

In His Service,

Vickie